today i've decided to exercise in the morning.

because one of my dream is to be healthy so i decided to take action.

it's a nice feeling. it makes me feel that i love myself coz i'm taking an effort to do this.

well i like exercising. it makes me help to feel light and flexible...

this morning in the office as i was taking my glasses my boss went to my desk and asked me a lot of questions regarding work.

I was like haller it's too early and it's not yet time to work. but then i'm an employee, he's the boss (that's why i really want to be the owner of the company! LOL)

so here is the question and answer.... 

--->by the way i'm currently working 2 jobs now coz one of my colleague is on vacation and my boss put my name as the reliever (goodness i don't know if he feels that i don't have job or he thinks i'm a superwoman!)

i didn't thought that he is soooo unappreciative...

like for 2 whole days i feel like i can't breathe because i'm being bombarded by a lot of task....

and he says...

why are these document not yet in the register?

what are you doing?

what is that?

so when are you going to finish?

i was like really offended... it's like he's saying that i was just sitting in my chair and curling my hair, making pretty faces, showing my really irresistible smile... 

so i have no choice but to be on offensive and i really hated that... it's like i'm justifyig myself!

come on! if you're a manager, you need to be a good leader... and good leader don't do that to their subordinate. 

well after talking to one of my colleague because i can't stay put in my chair until i express my offended feelings...  i work and work and work.

I didn't realize i'm mature enough to overcome that... 

it's been three days since i started my morning routine with full body stretching.

it wakes me up and gives me energy. it also makes me feel positive.

though i have to take effort to wake up earlier than the usual time, i believe it's worth it.

this morning i went to church. it makes me happy going to church even when i'm alone. For me, going to church is for worshipping and loving God. 

my skin easily gets bruised so i  bring a face towel for me to kneel down, if i forgot the towel... after the mass i will feel hurt in my knees and then later in the afternoon... there's a bruise 

so i brought my towel this morning... it really amusing to see someone beside me doing what i'm doing... hehehe

maybe we're the same and we easily get bruised. but it makes me smile coz it makes me believe that i'm not alone dong that in the church...

what makes me nervous in driving is not the other cars around me... it's the stop light...

i don't want to pay for the violation of beating the red light. the amount is more than my salary and it's just a waste of money and i hate that!

so it becomes my custom to memorize the flow of the stoplight. especially when it's in my path/way.

this day i was sooo startled to discover that they change the flow of the stoplight and it kinda makes me nervous... hehe

i'm thinking of going on the highway with less stoplight but i think i'll just memorize the new flow (it's more convenient)

i'm not sure if i'm a control freak... or maybe i'm just a spoiled brat that's why i want it my way... LOL

it is hard to control the people around you... well you can be the best manipulator but there will be someone who will be immune to your skills...

i'm not saying i want to control the people around me. it's more like sometimes you wish they are more agreeable with you.

today i got pissed off eventhough i know and readily accepted that i will be overloaded with work. it's just stresses me out when they expect me to know the history of the work when i'm just a reliever.

the result... double tired... from work and from the raise of my blood pressure. LOL

but when i got home. i'd rest my eyes for about 10 minutes then exercise.

what can i say, i think i'm getting obsess in exercising

i was so disoriented since this morning.

i'm like this when half of my mind is preoccuppied by other things (in short i'm feeling troubled)

so it was llike a struggle working. i'm so confused with what i'm doing and i forget what i should do. it's a blessing that i'm not overloaded with work because it will really make me scream and throw things. LOL

basically i'm half-awke, half-dazed... it's a good thing i didn't dive on the floor or bump my head on the bathroom... 

now i'm feeling so tired and unfulfilled. 

i need to do my best tomorrow...

need to recite my mantra to avoid this thing from happening again.

i'm feeling so tired...

maybe i'm burn out bcoz of work...

or maybe because i'm not sleeping that well...

i have to recharge.

i really hope i can sleep well tonight...

today, we have a new employee and she seats across me so i have someone to talk to and i like it (just realized i'm that talkative)

i'm excited for the new place that we're going to reside. though i know that it will put a hole in my wallet, i'll keep on being positive that all will be well 

they made me cry...

it's hard when family members said some hurtful words. it cuts deep and you can't seem to do anything about it. 

you want so much to lash out and hurt the person who hurt you but you keep silent...

you tried so hard to overcome the feeling but until it is still deep within your heart, it cannot fade...

i cried while driving... 

i want to express my feelings of hurt so that i can move on and be peaceful again with myself. but it really is hard especially if the words spoken to you is about your whole being...

it makes you feel like not worthy, no one, a burden and it will be more okay if you're not in the picture...

so i keep repeating to myself...

God loves me...

He accepts me...

He made me like this...

I'm special to him...

thank you Lord God for loving me...

i believe i'm totally burn out...

i slept this afternoon for a nap and guess what... i've slept for about 5 hours... i dont't think you can call this a nap. i'm feeling my head aches and i'm totally disoriented.

... i'm not sure if i'm still in the depress stage... all i know is i can see now unlike before when i'm being overwhelmed by my emotions.

i don't like being sad... i want to be always happy... because i believe happiness is contagious and i want to be a good influence. i don't want to be a burden...

i'll try to get back up and live my life... love myself, do what i must do, trust God... have faith and enjoy living...

these past few days have been hectic. i got home very tired and all i want to do is relax. but it's kinda enjoyable especially since i'm now understanding what i'm doing.

yesterday i'm kindly half-pissed off and amazed. i didn't expect there's a filipino who is not good in working or are lazy in working. i thought all are good and efficient. guess i was wrong.

i have a really handsome colleague. he had been in the company months ago. i know he's handsome but i don't pay attention to him that much. then 2 days ago, a whispering in my mind. so now i'm noticing him. i'm not sure if i'm starting to like him. and i also not sure if i want to like him.