I don't know if all the people in the world experience having a phase in their lives where they are thinking of committing suicide. Like seriously committing suicide.

When I was young around 12-14 years old, I was pretty much living in my own world. I was like a housemate in our home so basically I felt so alone and I didn't talk much. I was contemplating to take my life at that time but it is not that serious because I didn't like pain so I will just fantasize that I was adopted and my real family will arrive and take me.

Another period of my life when I intend to commit suicide was when I was having financial troubles. I was thinking back then that I don't want to be a burden to my family anymore so maybe this decision will be for the better. I was really planning of drinking some acid.. At that time, I was feeling so overwhelmed with negative emotions and feeling sorry for my parents. That night I was praying to God and saying that I'm so sorry for not being able to handle this situation. I remembered that I was thinking of doing it that night when all the people in the house are sleeping. But I slept and woke up feeling refreshed... all the burden, worries and negative emotion inside of me is just gone which is kind of weird but i accept it and felt blessed.

As for the present time, I'm okay now but I experienced the tunnel vision of suicide this past few months. It was a major breakdown for me. It was like all the frustrations, disappointments and unhappiness have been too much for me that I just stop... I stop living. I didn't have any motivations, likes, wants, goals, dreams. I literally feel that I don't want to move because what is the point. So what I did in my daily life for the past few months is to read light novel while laying in my bed. It was an effort for me to take a shower or eat. I really don't want to eat at that time but I don't want to worry my family so I keep up the front that I am okay. I didn't intend to commit suicide at that time but I know that that is the end for me. It feels at that time that what keeps me grounded and not making any serious move toward ending my life is the emotional attachment and guilt that I have with my family. Without that, I think I will not think twice of doing it.

Now that I was over that phase, I would like to rationalize the feeling of being in that kind of situation. I think for an individual to really commit to it, he/she was really overwhelmed with emotional pain that people around cannot be able to reach. In that circumstances, we feel alone... No matter how much we talk to others about our miseries or pain, we know deep inside that you will not get it! We are just different creature than you, we feel more sensitive and are easily overwhelmed by things that are happening around us.