after my birthday i felt that i'm old and i still dont know where my life is going...

i need to introspect my life and make a decision to change.

i want to be happy and fulfilled...

so for the past few weeks, i'm feeling so unhappy and frustrated and still don't know the answer to my questions.

i've been asking God to assist me and telling Him that i'm ready please tell me what to do...

but still no answer.

i can't keep torturing myself so i decided to stop and be blank for the moment...

being blank means i don't feel any overwhelming emotion, it's bad i can't sympathize with my friends coz i stop feeling...

it's okay coz i decided that it will be in a short time after i regroup and make a small step in changing my life.

last week my sister wants to go out and have fun and i'm not feeling up to it. but it seems i don't a choice coz all our friends are busy and can't join her.

so we went to the bar and chill out.

it's nice until i get drunk (didn't how that happen coz i'm a strong drinker)

i was talking to a guy that i feel harmless.

and then i block out (i'm still concious but i don't remember anything until now)

when i woke up... it's really a weird feeling. i don't know how i get home and i don't know what happen. i asked my sister to tell me what happen and she keeps on laughing. it's really funny coz i don't get drunk. it's like i'm a champion in drinking or something.

i check my fon and there's a message from a guy who i don't know. and then realize that guy is the one i was hugging last night.

i don't remember how did i get his contact info... and that's really embarassing.

he asked me out and i was like i'm not sure if i want to ee him again...

but due to my friend persuading power, we went out (i forced my sister to come with me) and then when i saw him in broad daylight... i was like no way! he's really handsome! ahahahaha

and because of that i was kind of timid but i overcome that later...

we we're so sweet and i don't know what i've eaten... it's weird! he's not my type but i seem soft to him...

myy sister told me of course you will be nice to him... he'd seen you drunk! i don't know if that's the connection.

i felt that i like him and starting to romanticize this thing (bad idea!)

bcoz it's weird that in the moment where i'm searching for something, he came to my life... and i was so confused because i want to be blank for the moment and he destroyed that blankness.

at the moment i'm hating this, hating the situation, hating meeting him...

i like him but he doesn't seem to like me... (first time being in this situation)

well i think that's life and he's just a distraction.

i need to move forward and focus on my life and forget about that guy.

it's just irked me alot... my pride will not make me move on easy...

i will not do this again...

i'll stay cynical and innocent (it's safer this way! LOL)