If you grow up feeling that you will succeed in anything you set your hearts into and then realize at present that you are not where you expect to be, you will feel like a failure.

It is normal and people usually go through this stage but then for individual like me where I was always hard on myself, this is a big failure on my part. I tend to drown on my sorrow, unable to face the reality that I had failed.

Being in the lowest point of my life where I don't see the light and what I see in front of me is the edge of the cliff where the last stage is committing suicide. In this point, I am scared of making a move or decision that I believe will push me right through that cliff. So I will either asked for help or I will try to avoid the real world.

I avoid facing the world and withdraw myself from the reality. I don't want to ask for help. I know they will not understand and they cannot help. Going through this phase had been rough on my body, I didn't take proper care of myself. I will sleep 3-4 hours which really didn't help in clearing my muddled head.

In my mind, I know I'm wasting time. I want the time to stop for a while. It feels like I will be stuck in this phase and I will be left behind. I was scared and still I didn't move. This goes for months and then I received a message from a friend asking if I was okay. That simple message woke me up slightly and so after a few days I realize that my mind is not clear enough to think, if I want to get out of this I need to be clear headed. I decided that I will first need to sleep enough to clear my head. The process had been rough. There where quite a failed night but at long last after 2-3 weeks going through this process, i managed to be clear headed enough to talked to friends what I'm going through.

Posted by frozen_eyes on April 7, 2018 at 02:56 PM | cheers!
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